Been a while since my last post. I'd ask if you missed me, but that'd be presuming a lot.
I'd like to think that I'm evolving and adapting. But really, I'm too afraid of life. One thing that's changed is that I've been talking to more women lately. What I don't understand is, why are they all so young?! The obvious answer (to me) being that socially functional women closer to my age are typically in places where I am not - in clubs, college, careers, church, and/or relationships. This doesn't bode well for my prospects, in many ways.
In a discussion with my friend the Princess Sierra (and also with a new friend, Revati) I admitted that what I really need is someone to hold on to. Like, physically (and by extension, emotionally).
Quite literally, I need nothing more or less than a hug. It makes sense considering that when I find myself liking someone, I can't really hold my feelings in check comfortably, when it feels as though my heart wants to reach through my chest and engulf that person. It makes me afraid to meet more people, because I keep meeting people that I really like.
Not only that, but when someone attractive is a lot younger than me it is really really hard to rationalize my feelings (quite a joke, really - emotions and rationality go together like ammonia and bleach ...)
More than once I've been told that "age is just a number". "oh, really?" I wonder, "And in relation to that, exactly what number of your gender have been abused and harassed on a daily basis, all the days of their life?"
I can't see myself being worthy of anything when I'm guilty by association. I know exactly why I am justified liking the people that I like, but one vegan lion doesn't absolve the species of its carnivorous nature.
I'd like to think that I'm evolving and adapting. But really, I'm too afraid of life. One thing that's changed is that I've been talking to more women lately. What I don't understand is, why are they all so young?! The obvious answer (to me) being that socially functional women closer to my age are typically in places where I am not - in clubs, college, careers, church, and/or relationships. This doesn't bode well for my prospects, in many ways.
In a discussion with my friend the Princess Sierra (and also with a new friend, Revati) I admitted that what I really need is someone to hold on to. Like, physically (and by extension, emotionally).
Quite literally, I need nothing more or less than a hug. It makes sense considering that when I find myself liking someone, I can't really hold my feelings in check comfortably, when it feels as though my heart wants to reach through my chest and engulf that person. It makes me afraid to meet more people, because I keep meeting people that I really like.
Not only that, but when someone attractive is a lot younger than me it is really really hard to rationalize my feelings (quite a joke, really - emotions and rationality go together like ammonia and bleach ...)
More than once I've been told that "age is just a number". "oh, really?" I wonder, "And in relation to that, exactly what number of your gender have been abused and harassed on a daily basis, all the days of their life?"
I can't see myself being worthy of anything when I'm guilty by association. I know exactly why I am justified liking the people that I like, but one vegan lion doesn't absolve the species of its carnivorous nature.
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