What am I up to now - three?
I don't want to play games. I don't want to be dishonest. I want to be loved and I need a hug.
I don't want to play games. I don't want to be dishonest. I want to be loved and I need a hug.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
It Is Unfortunate
It's unfortunate that the world is a false dichotomy.
It's unfortunate that if I appreciate some parts of my life I am not allowed to dislike other parts of it. All or nothing? Fuck you.
It's unfortunate that I have no desire to die, but I also have so much issue with the idea of continuing to live.
It's unfortunate that I didn't develop the social skills necessary to communicate myself to those I want to care about. Fuck your bridge game, dad, because you can't accept that maybe I would have been more appreciative of all you've given me if you actually worked less, played less of your stupid fucking billiards and bridge, and taught me to appreciate what I had instead of shouting. It's way too fucking late now.
It's unfortunate that all I see on social media is (with a few exceptions) the happiness in people's lives, and not the darker side of the coin.
It's unfortunate that if my brother had treated me, so many years ago, with the compassion that he recently showed that dog that bit him, things would have turned out a lot different - Or would they have? Considering that, being only 4.5 years older than me, he hadn't learned such compassion at the time ...
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The house I'm living in overlooks a pretty nice view. That picture being taken from the roof, of course.
The view's somewhat less majestic down at the road level, but it's still nothing to sneeze at.
By which I mean that the view at the road level is usually another person.
That's right, I live next to one of the chill-out/make-out spots in town. "Good for you!" might be your instinctive reply, for which I don't necessarily blame you.
Yesterday there were a bunch of kids hanging out there. Unlike me, most or all of them are perfectly comfortable with the shitstorm that is Indian traffic. They also seemed perfectly comfortable with each other, something that I don't ever recall being. Maybe it was because I didn't hang out with my classmates much. I couldn't even begin to tell which was the cause and which was the effect.
Making friends as an adult is harder than it has any right to be. In a half-alien culture, no less.
It's unfortunate that if I appreciate some parts of my life I am not allowed to dislike other parts of it. All or nothing? Fuck you.
It's unfortunate that I have no desire to die, but I also have so much issue with the idea of continuing to live.
It's unfortunate that I didn't develop the social skills necessary to communicate myself to those I want to care about. Fuck your bridge game, dad, because you can't accept that maybe I would have been more appreciative of all you've given me if you actually worked less, played less of your stupid fucking billiards and bridge, and taught me to appreciate what I had instead of shouting. It's way too fucking late now.
It's unfortunate that all I see on social media is (with a few exceptions) the happiness in people's lives, and not the darker side of the coin.
It's unfortunate that if my brother had treated me, so many years ago, with the compassion that he recently showed that dog that bit him, things would have turned out a lot different - Or would they have? Considering that, being only 4.5 years older than me, he hadn't learned such compassion at the time ...
-----------------------------------------
The house I'm living in overlooks a pretty nice view. That picture being taken from the roof, of course.
The view's somewhat less majestic down at the road level, but it's still nothing to sneeze at.
By which I mean that the view at the road level is usually another person.
That's right, I live next to one of the chill-out/make-out spots in town. "Good for you!" might be your instinctive reply, for which I don't necessarily blame you.
Yesterday there were a bunch of kids hanging out there. Unlike me, most or all of them are perfectly comfortable with the shitstorm that is Indian traffic. They also seemed perfectly comfortable with each other, something that I don't ever recall being. Maybe it was because I didn't hang out with my classmates much. I couldn't even begin to tell which was the cause and which was the effect.
Making friends as an adult is harder than it has any right to be. In a half-alien culture, no less.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Everyone's Different
People will tell me, "Hey, you have't gone through shit in your life. Deal with it."
Does it occur to them that maybe - just maybe - the reason I don't know how to just 'deal with it' is because I never went through any shit in my life that would teach me to deal with it as effortlessly as they do?
Nobody should depend on anybody else, right? Isn't that how society works?
I thought society functioned and became 'civilized' because we could depend on others for the things we are incapable of ourselves.
Some All chemical reactions require a certain input of energy to take place. Most laymen never really consider this, because nature generally takes care of the pertinent variables. Non-chemists also never truly appreciate the ubiquity and importance of catalysts in said reactions. Life would not be possible, or at least not in any meaningful way, if there were nothing helping the reactions along that keep us autonomous meatbags mobile and conscious.
Since you probably drifted off to sleep during that small digression on chemistry, very few of you will truly appreciate the parallel drawn from the microscopic chemical world to the rather macroscopic world of daily life and psychology. All other things remaining equal, what would be the odds of a given reaction occurring if a catalyst was not present?
Where and what would you be right now, if nothing helped the process along?
Where and what am I? Where is my catalyst?
Does it occur to them that maybe - just maybe - the reason I don't know how to just 'deal with it' is because I never went through any shit in my life that would teach me to deal with it as effortlessly as they do?
Nobody should depend on anybody else, right? Isn't that how society works?
I thought society functioned and became 'civilized' because we could depend on others for the things we are incapable of ourselves.
Since you probably drifted off to sleep during that small digression on chemistry, very few of you will truly appreciate the parallel drawn from the microscopic chemical world to the rather macroscopic world of daily life and psychology. All other things remaining equal, what would be the odds of a given reaction occurring if a catalyst was not present?
Where and what would you be right now, if nothing helped the process along?
Where and what am I? Where is my catalyst?
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