Well, it's an interesting thing, isn't it? That need for companionship, that social urge. I never had much truck with it. (We can debate later on whether or not that was my own fault.)
But I've noticed that as much as I am afraid of people ... everything I do and everything I love requires, always, the presence of others.
The music that I do with my guitarist.
The quartet arrangements that I slaved over.
Not that it's surprising. Rome wasn't built in a day, much less by just one person.
Then I go and kick myself over and over and over again, dwelling on the past.
The one possibly legitimate 'date' I may have ever had / will ever have in my life is quite the memory. I convinced her to come for the social, I liked her glasses ... and then we got there, and I was so goddamn unsure and awkward that I just basically ditched her and hung out with my other friends who were there. Possibly I said something insulting without realizing it, too.
She probably hates my guts, and will never realize the truth behind it.
It was a fun dance, I guess.
I missed out on a lot of things, dear heavens. I should probably stop thinking about it. It's not like an errant vehicle would need any help killing me.
But I've noticed that as much as I am afraid of people ... everything I do and everything I love requires, always, the presence of others.
The music that I do with my guitarist.
The quartet arrangements that I slaved over.
Not that it's surprising. Rome wasn't built in a day, much less by just one person.
Then I go and kick myself over and over and over again, dwelling on the past.
The one possibly legitimate 'date' I may have ever had / will ever have in my life is quite the memory. I convinced her to come for the social, I liked her glasses ... and then we got there, and I was so goddamn unsure and awkward that I just basically ditched her and hung out with my other friends who were there. Possibly I said something insulting without realizing it, too.
She probably hates my guts, and will never realize the truth behind it.
It was a fun dance, I guess.
I missed out on a lot of things, dear heavens. I should probably stop thinking about it. It's not like an errant vehicle would need any help killing me.
