Could I See The Stars?

Quick question: can you remember the happiest moment(s) of your life?

Mine was as incredible as it was short-lived: in the misty sunrise of the mind, as I woke from a beautiful dream, and could suspend belief in reality, I was truly happy.

And then I opened my eyes.

I thought I was a pretty happy individual overall - and indeed I was, for ignorance is bliss. Emotional ignorance, that is.

I know, and you know, that willful ignorance is just a bad idea in general, but in terms of emotion, it'd be a a lie to say that it's all my fault.

To have found a kindred spirit in the Breathing Stone is an underrated blessing, and while grateful beyond words, I am guarded by fear. Fear of judgement. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of losing control. Fear that if I share even a smidgen of my soul, my heart will be bound. And yet, somehow, I doubt that this feeling is unknown to the average clump of brain cells.

The pain of the present shadows the joys of the past, dulls the promise of the future, and contrasts harshly with the few bright stars that attempt to guide me to a safe haven until this turmoil comes to rest. Music is but a meager escape, for on my own I am nothing.

Confidentiality Conundrum

Why would I do this to myself? Am I that afraid of opening up to anyone, that I can't stop myself from telling her to "back away slowly"? It's not her fault that she is gracious enough to offer her beautiful shoulder to cry on ... or that, at this point in time, tears are all I have to offer.

I know how much I need the company. She saw it, recognized it for the need it was, and offered - and I can't handle it. I refuse to believe I'm worthy of her benevolence.

F*** cognitive dissonance.

I'm [a] Stranger. What's The Danger?

The realization that you could not have achieved an accurate self-evaluation without the aid of your peers is ... humbling. Even more so than being alive, or looking at the glory of the Universe contained in the night sky. And to be acutely aware that this evaluation is far from complete, but will forever guide me to new horizons ...

Thanks to Miguel, I realize that it's safe to say that I am - and always have been, probably - afraid of that which I want most. It's the old adage of "Be careful what you wish for ..." on a plateau of paranoia, and, if my instinct is correct, it's probably not the most optimal of states to be in.

Thanks to my good friend the Scythestone, I was compelled to actually ponder and try to codify my world-view, rather than leave it simmering as the saturated fog that it was in my head. It's still a fog, of course, but I am now somewhat more aware of its essentials. I hard a hard time putting it in words, but it was quite an exercise in simplification, and I feel that some good may come of it.
How do I know so many people? I have no clue - but I'm sure the eccentricity of my perceptions gets some part of the blame.

A balance of the good and the bad, because nobody's perfect. My 'sphere of influence' is large enough to overlap multiple other such spheres, to a degree that I can observe a significant portion of how people's actions reverberate through social circles, like bells tolling the positive and/or negative reactions of the people affected. Equally interesting is observing reactions of those who are not affected at all. A reaction with no cause? Let me warn you that classical physics is sometimes a poor guide to apply to social situations.

As always, more thought is required; insufficient information and focus exists to arrive at a viable conclusion.

I love my odds, but I hate my odds.