s-XXII

What a time, what a time. Yet another step on the way past my youth.

I must say, there are assholes in the world, but I know at least one I can kind of respect - if only because I can't totally get a handle on his style. I got dinner and a balloon, I can't complain. ^_^

Coincidentally, perhaps, I am fated to have an interview with the same company my dad spent about 20 years working for - a massively multinational engineering corporation. And as they are flying me down the coast for this screening; I must say I'm flattered (as I should be), but this is barely the first of likely many steps. GOOD VIBES, people. GOOD VIBES. What an awesome birthday present that would be, yes? Did I mention they're multinational?

CAPS LOCK commands you.

Also marking today is what may be the first time that I am truly going strong for what I believe is right. It's ... interesting, to say the least, and as much as it kills me to say so, I can't comment for certain on the outcome. Sticking to the adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is something that governing bodies in general (and everyone in them in particular) can learn from.

Reconstitutional

One day, I went to play music I've played for years (for old time's sake), and I was told I was being "disrespectful". By a kid fresh out of college - less than a year older than me - and only recently initiated in the instrumental arts. 
Disrespectful, you're telling me? 
Disrespectful, to exercise your talents in the service of others? 
Disrespectful, to help to teach, guide, and inspire in the ways of the glory of the Almighty? 
SHIT, MY LIFE IS A LIE. 


Ever had an appendage ripped off? If you're thinking "I can imagine" - just let me get the pliers. 
(This is, of course, metaphorical, as I have yet to experience such a physical trauma ... but the principle remains the same.) 
A spiritual dismemberment can be quite painful, though. 


 This is of course related to my prior rant on the new policy of the Catholic ministry on campus. A ministry that can now never be complete and truly fruitful as long as that particular policy remains in effect. Just like a tree with its roots cut off. Yes, I will go so far as to say that, as long as the policy exists, I cannot have respect for whoever it was that instigated it, and I can't help but feel for the loss that all the newcomers there will never know.
It hurts, did you know?
Come, feel the wound, much as Thomas had to see and touch before he could believe.
_________________________ 


 On a more thoughtful note, thanks to a friend I have discovered a new book, a book made of sheer intensity. Written by none other than Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, God's Debris is one of the most incredible books I have ever read - the beauty of it being that I am versed in virtually all the important concepts it presents. An experiment in 132 pages of pure unadulterated thought ... I recommend it to anyone and everyone who can take a mental beating. (You lucky few, you know who you are.) I am overloaded with the anticipation of perusing its follow-up: The Religion War.

Schismatic ...

So I finally cooled off enough to go back to the Catholic group on campus. And I ended up talking to the powers that be, which pretty much confirmed my suspicions.

The times, they are a-changing, and it deeply pains me that it may not be for the best, and even though I can see this there is nothing I can do. Oh, the truly bittersweet joy of leaving Plato's Cave - God help me.

_____________________

In unrelated news, so to speak, I am most excited at the possibility of obtaining a job working at computing giant Lenovo. This would be quite a score, especially considering it'd be my first real industry position. This will be, if not a turning point, at least a major uphill climb in my life, as I learn to truly be self-sufficient and responsible. I know that I can settle in well - hopefully I might learn a thing or two more about the professional world.

As a good friend of mine would say:
Carpe Diem!

I add on to that:
Que sera, sera.

Feel Like a Used Spare? Care to Share?

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant on a deeply personal level, so feel free to consider it biased. Long story short - I am railing against what I believe is an un-Christian policy implemented by an administration that is very new, but otherwise quite effective. Just note that this has absolutely nothing to do with me being an international student, that is irrelevant here. I do not mean to denigrate the people in charge - only the policy they implemented. 

Unfortunately, however, the nature of this policy doesn't make it easy to keep the two separate. This post ends up being more of a victim story, but hey, we don't all live the same life. Your comments are welcome, but unless you were part of the group I am talking about for at least a couple of years prior, you might not be able to fully grasp how deeply this affects myself and others.

Capische?

Good.

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So, those of you who follow me closely on Facebook (I doubt there are a lot of you) may have noticed a recent status declaring my separation from the Catholic group on campus, due to the new administration's alumni policy (or, more accurately, the "get-rid-of-alumni" policy).

A little bit of background here:

I'm a musician. One of the things that keeps me connected to God and to other people, in a way that goes deeper than any Christian rite, is the sharing of musical talent.

My friend Fred was of a similar disposition. He led the music ministry at the Catholic group for over 15 years, on his own free time, sometimes bringing in musical friends along the way. When a person invests that much in something that would otherwise be purely recreational - you know that something runs deep there. Keep in mind that Fred has played guitar since childhood, and is a truly inspirational leader.

Fred led the music ministry until Spring 2011 - and the new administration, appointed by the diocese, took the reins. They very nicely but firmly instituted a new policy of "encouraging alumni and non-students to move on to a 'real' parish". This is the excuse that was used to (essentially) get rid of our non-student musical friends Mike and BJ, which - any group musician will appreciate this - was akin to forcibly breaking up a family. Fred therefore chose to leave (even though, I was told, he would have been allowed to stay on in an advisory capacity), which in turn alienated people like Sue, Lacey, Marc, MJ, and several other alumni and non-students who had been at CCM for years and invested themselves in keeping it strong.

Can anyone tell me how discouraging the participation and involvement of the people who helped build up and support a student organization could be a good thing? An accurate analogy, by any standard, is an example of builders who lived in a home they helped build, but, once they moved out to make room for others, were no longer welcome to come again and help out. Does that make any sense to you?

One thing that boggles me is the hypocrisy of the whole situation. None of the members of the new administration were previously a part of the ODU community - and yet they implement a policy that would drive away people who actually 'know the ropes' and have the connections to bring more students in. The fact that the policy even came to exist is a solid indicator of their lack of experience. Admittedly, this cuts deep for me personally very much because of the departure of a music minister who was also a good friend - but let's look at this objectively. What organization, in their right mind, and particularly with a new leadership, would alienate the resources of a person with years more in leadership as well as musical experience?

Here's a thought: what do they mean by moving on to a 'real' parish? Do they mean a church? Does that mean to say that what they do on campus is a lie?

Because anywhere that there is an ordained priest and a congregation is considered a parish, and Mass can be celebrated, and wherever Mass is celebrated can be considered a church of sorts. And Mass is celebrated on campus, and yet I was told I need to move on to a real church, so does that mean that the Mass on campus is not real, since they don't consider it a 'real' parish?

I hope you can see where this might seem confusing.

Also assigned by the diocese, to replace Fred as music minister, is a lovely Filipino woman who, as luck would have it, also plays guitar. Let me just say first that I grew up around a massive Filipino population, so there is absolutely no racism involved here. I love Filipinos for their innate musical ability, love of singing, and extremely strong faith - this lady was a prime example, and I love her personality.

Now, believe me when I tell you that this is not easy for me to say:

As much as she is a wonderful person, speaking as a musician - it was a slap to the face. No amount of faith and devotion is any replacement for a solid leader and good musicianship. The fact is that, in even a semester, she would have learned as much - or more - about music and leadership from Fred, than she might learn from years anywhere else.

There, I said it.

And in a different situation, it would never have been an issue - but thanks to the new policy, there is no way to avoid it. It is not her fault that she is in deep without the proper support.

Any musician knows that without a confident leader, the music can never be good. I have seen this borne out in years of classical music training and good old observation - so feel free to disagree, but good luck proving me wrong.

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I have more I want to say, but writing this post has not helped me to cool off as blogging has done in the past. So I figure I should quit now before I lose coherence.

This Boisterous World, My Oyster

So I graduated December 2011, big whoop(s). Here's to a joyous, jammin' New Year, what say you lovely people?

Now all that remains is for me to receive my work authorization from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), and - oh, wait for it - GETTING A JOB.

For the uninitiated (which is pretty much everyone who isn't an international student), here's the deal:

• The visa status for an international student in the U.S.A. is designated F-1 (scholar).
• F-1 visa holders are not eligible to be employed off-campus AT ALL, except under extenuating circumstances. (An obvious exception to this 'employment' rule is simple stuff such as baby sitting, or yard work, or something of that nature, which can't be regulated. Or being illegally employed somewhere for cash only. But, there marks a difference between 'legal' and 'illegal' under-the-table employment. If that makes sense.)
• There was something I could have tried before I graduated, called "Curricular Practical Training" (CPT). It's too late for that, so I'm not going to talk about it. But feel free to read the link.
• Of particular importance, now that I have graduated, is what is called "Optional Practical Training" (OPT), of which there are two types - regular and "STEM". 
  - From the international student website: "Regular OPT is temporary employment authorized by Immigration for F-1 visa holders for 12 months.  It must be directly related to your major and gives you a chance to put your classroom knowledge into real world practice." F-1 students can apply for this up to 14 weeks before their graduation date, or, if unsure about graduation, up to 4 weeks after. 
  - STEM OPT is an extension to the regular OPT period, which applies solely to students with majors in Science, Technology, Engineering, or Mathematics. From the website: "STEM refers to majors in Sciences, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.  It allows a student who majored in one of those areas to obtain a STEM OPT extension of an additional 17 months, bringing the total OPT time to 29 months." However, for STEM OPT to apply, the employer MUST be E-Verified.
  
  
  So, the translation: If I am able to obtain a job (which MUST be related to my major), I can be employed for up to a year from the start date I have requested. If this employer is E-Verified, I am eligible for the STEM OPT extension and can continue to work for an additional year and five months. If the employer is NOT E-Verified, I must find a new employer that is E-Verified in order to get the STEM extension.
  Capische?
  
  Now for the rest:
• When applying for OPT, we are supposed to allow for up to 90 days of processing time by immigration. If I obtain a job and my requested start date passes, I am NOT ALLOWED to begin work unless and until I have the document from immigration in my hand. 
• During the regular OPT period of 12 months, I am allowed a cumulative total of 90 days during which I can be unemployed. If I am able to obtain a job and make it as far as getting STEM OPT, this cumulative 'unemployment clock' is extended 30 more days, for an absolute total of 120 days of unemployment during a 29-month period.
• If the total limit of unemployed days is reached (90 days for regular OPT, and 120 for STEM), I have three options (and whichever I choose would have to be implemented before that limit is surpassed, or else I would be in violation of my visa status):
  - Leave the country and continue my job search from my home country
  - Return to school for a new degree program, and lose the OPT authorization (also, the new degree must be GREATER than the one previously achieved, so I'd be screwed if I was a PhD graduate).
  - Obtain a new visa status. Any of you wonderful American females want to marry me?

Can't you tell that I just LOVE being an international student?

Fortune

So, yeah, this has been an eventful series of weeks.

Things are back to normal, almost ... except that I'm not at the same level of loneliness that I used to be. I can certainly say that's an improvement.

I'm not an emotional person. Not usually, anyway. I've always prided myself on being rational and logical, and perhaps this was where I fell short - all those emotions, so long kept in check, eroding at my control and clouding my perceptions. (Not to mention that that made me seem indifferent to everything.) It's not something I was previously prepared for, and it's probably a good thing, in the long run, that we separated before anything untoward happened.

I feel a bit better about myself now, however - she gave me hope. A potion more potent, there is not.

She may or may not be the one for me (and vice versa), but someone will be. Someday.

Uncouth

Time for some more words to be said. Ready? Here we go:

 "Banana fish origami spork."

Okay, done. Wasn't that fun?

The fact of the matter is, not everyone knows the whole story - not even myself. And as much as I implore my peers not to jump to conclusions, it's not an easy task even for me.

As you judge my actions, opinions, and reactions, all I ask is that you realize how much stress I have been going through. I mean, do you know how it feels to be forced to find a job within three months of graduation or go home? Can you truly understand how it feels to have almost no truly close personal friendships for over 21 years? And don't tell me to talk to God, because I have. It may not seem that way on the surface, but being born and raised Catholic, being a musician, living in an environment that I think is far more enlightening than America, and learning some of the deepest concepts of science, gives me a connection to God that I fear I may never be able to share with anyone. Can you honestly tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about? Because I could say the very same to you.

Some clarifications, just because, like anyone, I hate being misinterpreted:

- It's easy to mean well, and not so easy to do well - both you, dear reader, and I have experienced this on some level at some point in our lives. But if we aren't rational about what we do, I can't say that our prospects for success are high. After obtaining multiple outside opinions on my  post titled "Culture", I still fail to see how any privacy was lost or defamation incurred, because I was careful to keep it ambiguous. Using a single phrase from a conversation is NOT equivalent to a loss of confidentiality. An air of passive-aggressiveness would not be out of place in that post, and for that I apologize - but it would appear that rationality was lost on more than just myself.
In hindsight, I did appear to vilify my ex-girlfriend, which is not something I intended to imply. It was her idea to end the relationship, and I agreed - it was a mutual break-up. I'm fairly certain that if she hadn't done so, then I eventually would have. It was the wrong thing for both of us.

- While it may not be my place to criticize decisions by authoritative figures, it is entirely my place - in fact, it would be dutiful - to express discontent. I realize that I could have done so far more tactfully, and for that I am sorry. I know there must have been more in play and I wish I knew the whole story, but in the absence of better data my conclusions remain standing. It would also be prudent to note that my post titled "Life Is Short" was composed the day after I became single again, and I was far more emotional than I normally give myself license to be. I will not try to excuse what was said, but I stand by what I intended to mean.

The Flavour of Regret

Going off of what I mentioned in my last post - text is an inconvenient medium.

BUT, it's all I really have at the moment while I figure stuff out. Sometimes I wish I had a best friend - you think you know what it's like without one, but believe me when I tell you that you really, really don't.

I am going to spell things out, at least for myself; make of it what you will.

I realize that my prior two blog posts came off much harsher than I intended them, and I apologize. I understand that more than one of my friends has read these and been offended, and I apologize.

I realize that I am at fault, and for that I am truly sorry.

This is not to say that I am solely culpable in particular matters, but in the interest of reconciliation I hope that will be acknowledged in the appropriate forum, and it's about time we searched out that forum.

All I can say in my defense is that I have been going through a lot lately that I have never had prior experience with, and neither did I ever expect to experience some of it in my lifetime. And I request - nay, I beseech - you, the reader, to truly understand that. I cannot make this clear enough.

I will not stand meekly by and simply be forced to acquiesce - I want to understand all viewpoints, and I want all viewpoints understood, before I choose to comply, for thus is true knowledge borne.

There is much more that needs to be said, and so will it be.

Culture

So there was this girl, right? She liked me.

I liked her too, so we hung out.

Then we became close, and our friends were like, Whaaat?

And so we were, until we weren't.

Some friends were like, Whaaat? again, and some were Meh. and some were like, Yay!

Honestly, I don't get it. This pervasive belief that you can't maintain a friendship after a break-up. I suppose it could stem from the sound of that word. Break-up. Bleh. Breaking off pieces of yourself, is what it brings to mind if you let it simmer long enough. Why? I wasn't the one who ended it, and I told her from the beginning that if it didn't feel right then I was counting on her to tell me, because I had no prior experience to compare it with. I tried to understand her, and through her understand myself. It's all about me, after all, isn't it? Just like friends who care about one or both of us but don't realize how little they know of the whole story. It's all about them and that's how they define their friendships, somehow. I wish I knew how that worked.

I shared my heart with her, and she shared hers with me, and knowing I have absolutely no prior experience in such matters, she gave me patience, which I cannot appreciate enough.

But maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe she wasn't ready. That's no excuse to lose a friend - and no excuse for others to judge us by.

Even though it's essentially encoded in our brains to do so. Whether by genetics or environment, I don't care. We fight against our primal urges using the seeming excuse that a higher power sees all. But if fear of that higher power is all that stops someone from being a bad person then I don't know if I care for that someone, because I can safely say I am not afraid of God, and yet I still know how to be a good person. As far as I am aware, anyway. I could be wrong, though, so don't give up hope yet.

I don't even know where that came from. Divine inspiration, perhaps?

You really can't put as much emotion as you'd like into a message based in text, no matter how much you try. Someone is going to misunderstand, or misinterpret, or over-analyze, or something. As adept as I am at using it, the English language is really effing limited in its expressiveness.

I wonder how many girlfriends Jesus had growing up.

Life Is Short

SO. MANY. CHANGES.

-First, the CCM lost a great music minister.

-Then, I have to prepare to graduate, and find a job, and a new place to live.

-Then (and I know quite a few people were proud of me for this), I found a wonderful girl who I could call my significant other, and was happy.

-And then, I'm alone again.

...........................

Lets step through this.

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The Catholic diocese in Richmond took the liberty this Fall semester 2011 to finally appoint a managing body for the Catholic Campus Ministry at ODU.

This is all well and good, except that they were also kind enough to (basically) boot out the existing music ministry led by my good friend Fred Johnson.

Honestly, what would you say if you'd been leading a music group for 16 years at your own behest - and you were good at it! - and the higher-ups were like, "Well that's cool, but we don't need you any more."? And then  you were replaced with someone fresh out of college with no experience, who didn't even bother to talk to you and learn the best way to go about doing what you did?

I really couldn't care less about the management - but taking the music and downgrading it like that was - and is - something really hard for me to handle.

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I graduate this December 2011 with a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering, minoring in Computer Engineering, Physics, and Music.

My lease ends at the end of November, which means that I will be without a home during exam week. Fun, eh? Let's see who I can bunk with for a bit.

I was contacted after a job fair and have a phone interview lined up - and that's about it as far as jobs go. I can't legally work at my current job once I graduate, because it's not "directly related to [my] major". I am allowed up to 90 days of unemployment once I graduate, and then ... I have no idea.

Let me just say that you probably have no idea how f***ing scared I am.

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It would be inaccurate to say 'I found her', because quite technically we kind of accidentally found each other thanks to my friend's computer (no, not a dating website. No, not a porn website either! For crying out loud, why on earth would you think like that?). Let's just say God works in mysterious ways, apparently, using broken computers and dorm roommates.

Lindsie is like and unlike me in so many ways, and someone I could truly connect with. I believe she confirmed, for me, an idea my friend postulated - namely, that I could only be truly happy with someone on an intellectual level similar to mine - and by God, she was close.

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Honestly, of all the times for me to meet my first girlfriend, now would be the worst, wouldn't it? About to graduate, no idea if I'd be in the same area, with the stresses of my final classes - and with her being an undergraduate researcher and studying full-time, every time we hung out it had the lingering feeling that it was detracting from our study time (and several times, that was in fact the case).

I'm certainly not better off now that we've parted ways ... but I'm still in a better position than before I met her, because now I know the joy that can be borne of a healthy emotional and intellectual relationship - and to think that I fully expected to go single for the rest of my life before I met her ...

One of the few things that might get me down about it, though, is that I can no longer joke about having never been in a relationship before. 

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Soooo ... yeah, I'm a bit miffed - and, perhaps, overwhelmed - but I can't help but think I'm supposed to learn something from all of this. "Grow up", as Lindsie liked to say, is the rather obvious one, but I think "Persevere" is the lesson I'd like to take away from this. Kind of like Fred, who's started up his own choir group outside of the ODU campus to continue doing what he loves. I really want to join them, but first I have to make the new CCM music ministry the best that it can be before I leave. (And then I have to find a job. And a place to live. But let's not go there yet ...)

The End Of The World, As We (Don't) Know It. (Part 2-ish)

I'm tolerant, I'll say that much.

Tolerant, but not of gender, or sexual orientation, or race, or religion, or anything superficial like that.  These are aspects of our humanity, and I embrace them wholeheartedly.

Rather, I am tolerant of people.
Stupid people, to be more specific.

As my more comedic friends on Facebook are spreading it right now:

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Please put this on your status if you know or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a stupid person right now. There is still no known cure for stupidity and sympathy does not help. Sometimes a 2x4 to the back of the head helps, but not a lot. But we can raise awareness!

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Stupidity. Ignorance. The hallmarks of our arrogance.

It's become my mission in life to know as much as I can, just for the sake of knowing ... and, methinks, the world would become a better place if more people shared that mission. (Think of a world as in Star Trek - the abolishment of money and therefore poverty and wealth and greed; the freedom and drive to work together to eradicate poverty and disease; the colonization of space, and true space travel. [The presence of extraterrestial life, I will leave open to speculation.]) Call me idealistic, but that is truly a dream I would rather not die for, but live to make true.

Sadly, a brain such as mine (or anyone's, really) was not built to store all the information we now have access to, and instead - my programmer friends will appreciate this - is filled with 'pointers' to where all the information is.

You'll find any number of scientific studies that prove this to be the case for most of the technologically-savvy world. Are we getting more stupid? I don't know, I'll Google it and get back to you ...

On a different and yet somehow related note, the survival of the species (our species, in case you were wondering) has been on my mind recently. To put it succinctly: our penchant for preserving life at all costs is having its consequences, as I mentioned in my last post. Not that I am against living longer, but still, living longer in a world that's going to shit (see: The Daily Show / Colbert Report) is not a particularly happy prospect. As good as people are getting at knocking themselves out of the gene pool (e.g. Jackass), it's not nearly good enough. Humans are still driven by genetically encoded tendencies, and since we've mostly overridden natural selection as it used to exist, we need to engage in a mission to purify the human genome™*. No, I don't mean eugenics ... well, yes, I do, but NOT in the way Hitler intended. Besides, Hitler simply thought too small - he wanted his one puny race to rule the Earth. I dream bigger by far - I want all of humanity to populate the entire Universe. And a step in that direction would be to, shall we say, prune our existing evolutionary tree of bad fruit. I mean, who needs the death penalty when we've got vasectomies?
Better yet, we need to encourage as many people as possible to compete for the Darwin Award.
__________________________
*What, you didn't know that most of your DNA - the fundamental building blocks of what makes you "you" - was patented? Better not try any DNA-based experiments, or they'll sue the RNA out of you.

The End Of The World, As We Know It. (Part 1)

(Brace yourself; this may [or may not!] be a long one.)

The human race has scarred the Earth and changed the natural course of events, whatever that may have been. We came into existence as natural beings, in equilibrium with the planet and its denizens, and our so-called intelligence has upset that equilibrium (and, thus far, not in our favour).

A friend and I were having a discussion about the multitude of rather stupid people in the world, and I began to wonder why that might be, and what consequences might arise. This is what I came up with:

In the days before technology (and out in the natural world even today), those that were meant to die would die, and those that happened to live would live on until it was their time to die. The ones that lived longer had a greater chance of passing on their genes, and the fact that they survived to do so entailed the possibility that there was some quality about them (such as speed, agility, or the like) that happened to keep them alive - a quality which, ideally, would be passed on to the offspring (unless it was random chance, in which case, there would really be no difference). This cycle would repeat over all generations, leading to beings more suited to survive each generation.

This is the concept known as survival of the fittest, or natural selection - a primary tenet to evolution* - and it was in place in nature for a reason.

In this day and age, modern medicine has done wonders to keep us alive, at the cost of prolonging the life of those who would not otherwise have survived; hence, the habitual drunk driver who may be responsible for God-knows-how-many accidents, remains alive to pass on his genes to the next generation, perpetuating the tendency to drink and drive.

(This applies to any sort of trait or tendency that might be passed on genetically, such as mental or physical disorders.)

___________________

*To all Bible-pushing or otherwise mentally impaired fools out there: Evolution does not imply monkeys changing into humans; it describes adaptation to long-term changes in environment, often resulting in speciation. This usually results in increasing complexity over generations, but the opposite can also be true - it all depends on the environment. READ THIS LINK, and UNDERSTAND. I CANNOT over-emphasize the importance of understanding.

Another couple of side effects of the wonders of medicine are the rampant overpopulation that even now threatens our global economy and ecosystem, and the creation of deadly 'superbugs' such as MRSA. These, in conjunction with 'survival of the unfit' along with the fit and the fittest, will conspire to starve the human race through depletion of resources - assuming we don't blow ourselves up first - if we cannot find a way to (1) increase efficiency and cleanliness, or (2) leave the planet.

To be continued ...

Growing Up.

Well, it's kind of obvious what this post is about, given that laudable event last week. 

Similarly (and yet in a different way) in this video, the kid on the left also grew up. Note: he deserved it, no matter how you look at it.

I am only aware of about three people who read my blog of their own volition; thus it is safe to say that Jordann is unlikely to see this, and will remain blissfully unaware of her status as Girl #2. Since I brought up that topic, I figured I'd update it with the fact that Girl #3 has a boyfriend, whom she is deeply in love with, so not a chance there.

There is now, inexplicably, unbelievably, incredibly, a Girl #4. She plays the flute.

Again, as far as I know she is probably unaware that I even have a blog, so she can thankfully (hopefully too!) remain oblivious.

We're going to practice some duets together soon. Will I be able to either 1) remain calm and keep her unsuspecting? or 2) use it as an excuse to ask her out? Only time will tell ... although the history of the entirety of my previous encounters with girls is not in my favour.

Of course, in the event she reads this, she's going to know ... but hey, what have I to lose? Not to mention the insignificant odds of her reading my blog.

I almost feel like I've betrayed myself - looking at the contrast between the deep discussions I posted last year and how mundane and sappy my recent posts have been.

Still, my life isn't nearly as eventful as hers; perhaps I should be grateful for this? I don't know.

Stay tuned for a possible discourse on the end of the world as we know it.

XXI

Year 21 of existence.


BOO-YAH! Lobo is legal!
Not that that means much for my non-drinking, non-smoking, non-driving ass ...


Take that, everyone who isn't 21 yet!
I'm catching up, everyone who's over 21 already!


Hugs all round. =)
I'd say hugs and kisses, but hopefully ... just maybe ... the kisses will come in handy later on.

.dessertS

I have a feeling that the day my brain melts, it'll probably make for some spectacular YouTube fodder.